When in Doubt, Write up Your Tarot Pulls

   Why the hell not? How else do I expect to have some sort of keep-up, or any sort of regularity to my writing and maintaining a blog? Plus, I'm still hoping to do more with Tarot, and lately, I am really enjoying combining it with my book posts as far as Instagram is concerned. So, while I didn't pull cards for every day, I did pull a few and I do think they are worthwhile, and yes, definitely worth mentioning and reflecting on.

    

     I know they're not the easiest to see in the photo, but that's the whole point to explaining them I suppose. The cards I've pulled are from the Fountain Tarot, and this deck is absolutely stunning (I'm sure Iv'e said it before), and while I have a few tarot decks at this point, this is only the second one I've really connected with. 

    That being said... 

    Ace of Cups (the top card). The Ace of Cups is about an emotional connection or the beginning of something beautiful. It can be spiritual or earthly, ranging from connecting with the Divine and or our spirit guides, to connecting to a person in our day to day life. Perhaps even ourselves. There is an opportunity for growth here, and it's important to trust in ourselves, trust our intuition. 

    The Ace of Cups is also a 'fleeting gift' and talks about us taking the opportunity as it is presented, since it doesn't stick around long... You can say that one definitely stumps me. I guess some things are a lot more obvious than others and in this case, it's one of those where I probably have to dig a little deeper to find, and yes, face it. 

    I say I have to face it because nothing has been easy lately, and as I know I've said before, I'm well into my little dark hole of despair again and I have no idea how to pull myself out. Though it is something I am going to keep focusing on, climbing out of that hole is more than just a goal at this point.            

    

    The Hermit (the middle card), is all about quiet observation and solitude. It's about a  willingness to let go of fixed ideas to find peace; To focus, to illuminate, and use our silence to find understanding and (maybe) peace.

    The Hermit is a card I cannot help but Identify with. Always feeling alone and like an outcast, I automatically distance myself. While I know that's not what the Hermit is about, it eventually leads me down a similar path, to look inwardly, to let go of what I know and see if I can't find a better way. There has been much of that again this week, lots of thinking, lots of hiding myself away someplace quiet. Sometimes, it's just to bury myself away in whatever book I'm reading, and sometimes, and it's the whole reason I'm writing this now, it is so I can pull out my cards, and question everything. literally. Life.

    King of Swords (the bottom card). "The king has reached the height of his professional life. A powerful person of esteem, he has honed his ability to control his mind, and holds all people to the highest of ideals. His brilliant intellect generates endless energy. Considered cold by his closest relations, he's fair and can foresee well into the future as his knowledge grants him. Wisdom that is both fair and perceptive. Harsh. Sound truth// advice. One who has earned authority."

                                                                                                                    -The Fountain Tarot

     As of now, I cannot say why the King of Swords has graced me with his presence. When it comes to the Kings of Tarot, I do not often find them in my company... So for one, he's here for a reason. Though, I cannot help but think he is telling me at the same time that I am being too hard on myself. However, the little bit I do know about the king, he's a judge, though nothing like the kind we see in our day and age... He plays fair, however there still has to be something else on the scales I'm in need of balancing out. 

    These may be card pulls from the other day, but just hours ago I received a Grand Tableau Lenormand reading from a friend that definitely sheds more light on what I'm in need of balancing out. This post is long enough already without me adding that much more about it,  You can find her blog over at http://thebookishfox.blogspot.com.au and her etsy shop where she provides all sorts of Tarot readings from there as well. 

     Thursday night, I pulled the Knight of Wands. While I don't see the Kings often, I'm quite certain I have some sort of love affair going on with the knights. That, however, is a story for another time.

    The Knight of Wands is considered a restless spirit, and if that doesn't sound like a true Sagittarian to me, I don't know what does. Yes, that just so happens to be what I am  as well, except, I'm restless and completely and utterly stuck.

     The knight is moved by passion. He's young and determined and seeks the truth inside of him. Being young doesn't stop him, and I wish the tarot was based on real life with things like bills and debt, and how old was he when he finally got to follow his heart and discover himself? As he is now, he represents a change, and or a journey and I only laugh as I make eight-hundred promises that he has nothing to do with me, but then again, one of my spirit guides is male, so, can this be him?

     Friday's pulls and here we have the Ace of Cups again, which, I suppose make more sense today then it would have the other day, or I completely missed the message, which, in my case, is highly likely. However, after speaking with Jo the night before, and some further research, I've come to the conclusion to stay away from all things Aleister Crowley.

     Let me back up a bit. 

     All week I've had it in my head that I wanted to pick up the Thoth tarot deck, which yes, was written by Crowley and designed by Lady Frieda Harris. While the idea of the deck sounds intriguing and I love ancient civilizations and sketchy cults being depicted in things, Crowley gives me the creeps. The breathing down your neck kind of creeps, not the he might be a few screws loose kind. Those creeps, and plenty of others, I can handle. 

     I don't know how often my guides are out there, the divine, or whoever and whatever else have sought to keep a metaphorical eye on me, but I know I have to trust my gut, and whatever opportune moment the Ace of Cups feels like heralding me towards, it is not this deck. 

     I was looking at Thoth as my next big pick up too. As much as I love my Fountain Tarot deck, and my Steampunk deck (both are the decks I mentioned being the only two I've connected with), I feel like there's something missing.

     I haven't been able to connect with a few of my decks lately, mostly oracle at this point, and even though they were hand created by some very talented individuals, I can't help all the negativity that surrounds these cards, and perhaps it has come from myself, from being wronged and hurt, even if it seems childish it's there and I'm not quite sure how to move past it, or clear the energies. It's why I pulled out my Enchanted Map Oracle Friday, along with my Tarot in the last photo... It's sort of a small hope towards /something/ as well as trying to find a fit between the Fountain and whatever else that's going on.

      I suppose this is where I ask for Tarot and Oracle card recommendations! 

    Anyways, the Movement card, is not just a thing to do, but also a state of mind, one I'm in desperate need of. Though again, the Knight and his adventurous self comes into play again, and perhaps the Ace of Cups, fleeting moments be damned, whatever it is, it has yet to arrive, and maybe this is here, this blog, tarot, writiing in general, this is how I prepare. 

Bold Curiosity

  Or, a Shattered Heart? Those were the two ideas (if you want to call them them that) that I had for a title, and in this occasion, my latest blog post.

    I don't know what it is, or why, that I tend to throw myself into something so heavily, just to abruptly stop. This goes not just for my Tarot cards, but for writing and painting as well.

     Painting never really was my thing I suppose, however, it had come to me at an interesting, but not very much so, point where I would spend hours screwing around with it, and now my room is littered with paint brushes and solo cups, and they too are something I haven't touched in months. Writing, perhaps, I haven't gone that long without doing, sometimes I wake up and I have to get out a dream, or I'll be in the shower and have this crazy thought... Reading tarot cards though, I date everything, at least I try to and I'm pretty sure nothing happened since the beginning of February, thus, the reason I'm writing this post now.

     I'd gotten to the point where I didn't even want to be a witch anymore and was debating selling off things like my crystals and cards (I'm sure the extra money would have helped out somewhere). At the same time though, I knew it belonged. I knew it would feel empty and as much as I'm not some sort of witch, I am.

     When I was a kid I always thought I'd be some sort of secret Necromancer, protecting the dead, and helping others cross over. I don't think being a witch is so far off.

     A shattered heart, the three of swords, a card that seems to scare the hell out of people whenever they pull it... I pulled it and it didn't even register it was that card until I looked it up, and while it is very much appropriate in the set of cards I pulled, I believe it is referring to the triggering events that have led up until now. To the point that I need my cards and their guidance, that I need to write, and unleash bits of my soul (what I believe remains of it) once more.

     While it's not the prettiest picture, it's my first pull in awhile. Pulled Monday night after debating it at work, after debating if I should start writing my blog again, so here we are, cards and writing and a new post for the blog.

     These last few months have been hard, and while it's still early in the year, things are moving quickly, even if my battle with depression doesn't want it to be so. Things have been rocky at home, work is rough and the scares dad has given alone have been enough to make me go crazy. One would think I'd have all kinds of reasons to write then, but picking up a pen and putting it to paper apparently requires quite a bit of motivation as well.

     Between the Six of Coins and The Devil, I cannot help but think, for now, that I can keep the darkness at bay. Well, the darkness that keeps me down, not the kind I look too (yes I believe there are different versions of 'the darkness'). Darkness that I embrace. People see themselves as light workers, but again, referring back to that bit about being a necromancer, I think some of us thrive better from said darkness. 

    Sometimes I think the monsters under my bed would make better friends anyways.

    I'm not really sure how to wrap all this up with a nice bow, I don't think it really needs to be. Yes, it's a bit of a mess, and yes, I'm quite scatterbrained but I have to start, well restart somewhere, and eventually, perhaps, pieces will start falling back nicely into place, and if they don't, they don't. At some point I do have to stop trying to impress everyone, and it will not be the first or the last time I've been described as an organized mess. One can always keep up with all the latest tarot readings via my Instagram.

The Middle and the Poor Class

    While it may sound like the title to some heated debate, I promise I'm not going there. It is more like I'm trying to figure it out for myself, or I'm just mad because I work a dead-end job, have skills that won't be of use anywhere else, and would much rather be writing from home, or at least doing something a little less tedious and a lot more soul-moving if that makes any sense.

    I'm sure the last thing anyone wants to hear is someone who can't get anywhere complain, which yes, is sort of what I'm doing, but I'm trying to fix it too. I have no problem owning up to my own mistakes, my own faults, and while it isn't the easiest trying to do something about it, I'm not completely discouraged.

    It was a post on Twitter that has me writing this, even if it is later useless. It was a post for a job to write for an online community with things that deal with pop culture. Some of the requirements that it wanted were already have a large follower base across multiple social media platforms, and the time to write three to five articles a week. Talk about time being a faster killer than usual... The not so funny thing is that I'm writing this as I count down the seconds until i have to get ready and leave for work.

     Please don't get me wrong though, the fact i even have a job means more than anything. I might complain, I  might hate it a lot of the time, but it DOES pay the bills, it lets me purchase things on my own no one in their right mind would buy for me (eighty crystals, and twenty more Funko Pops please), and when I have some extra I can help out other people as well. They say you the more money you have the more greedy you become, at least, that's what it seems like, and sure there are people who donate a good portion of it, but lets me real, how many are doing it for tax write offs? 

    Okay, enough of that, I said I wasn't going to get into it. 

    Anyways, it's just one of those things where I'd like to believe I'd try to do good by others. 

    The whole point to this is that I am only twenty five and I've watched the world change so much. I know the kinds of responses people think towards this... yes, I know I haven't seen war, or fought for the right to vote, or was held against my will because my race is full of assholes... But I've seen gas shoot up so high that minimum wage barely covered it, I learned how to live from paycheck to paycheck because that's what my parents did, what they do. No one knew how to help me get into college because no one had ever been there themselves, and when I finally made it in, I didn't know anyone to have and sort of 'IN' to land myself a job, even when I was promised work-study benefits. Should I have tried harder? Probably. Was I eighteen and clueless. Hell yes.

     Even now, my last few jobs I had were attained with the help of someone I knew that already worked there. Resumes are words on paper, those tests you take after you fill out an application, they are fake, terrible representations of you. I cannot tell you the anxiety I get when I have to take a test, let alone to give someone what they want to hear and have the test come back with something along the lines of 'you should not hire this person, ever. Do not even consider them.' 

    So yes, while I greatly dislike my job, and it pays the bills, it's also the hardest thing to find another, because stress, anxiety, depression, they're killers too, and right now, I just work my ass off in the hopes of raises and being able to afford to go back to school. There's a reason I don't live on my own anymore, perhaps a few of them and I'm sure they're not hard to figure out. I also know I'm not the only one in such a situation, that there are lots of us out there, and plenty of us worse off. I have so much love and respect for those who fight, who keep going; For those who do have it together and are making it, making something of themselves, and while I'm sure I probably don't have much right to write about any of this, I too am going to keep fighting, and firmly believe that none of us are alone, and we all need one another.

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

"All That is Gold Does Not Glitter"
J. R. R. Tolkien